There are so many things that you want to do with your life at one time, that in the end you are really lucky if you get to do even one thing in a complete fashion. that's what my life is like right now. i have become so absorbed in the planning of the to do lists that i don't think i remember anymore what i intended to do in the first place. the worst part is when you realsie this.....like for now.

i am working right now...where some days i cant get enough of what i do and well there are obviously those days that are represented by this imaginary question mark in the air to convey the question - "what the hell am i doing and why ?". i wanted to have the cliched standing-on-my-own-two-feet humble beginnings, i wanted to struggle but it all sounds good when you put it words and not in actions. but i guess it becomes a whole better when you are surrounded by people like yourself. what can i say, misery truly loves company.

i want to write and shoot portraits and design wonderful things... but its hard enough to keep up with just being myself for now. i like the lack of any social response here. its like writing your journal in public... where nobody is expected to bother with it.

i always wanted to be that girl with all the interesting stuff in her small notepad or sketchbook.... and all that incriminating evidence that points to a creative mind. i still do wish for that kind of a parallel universe sometimes. but somehow, i don't know if its my chronic laziness, if anythings to be blamed... the next thought is pure contentment or the kind of zen aura that envelops me, letting me be at peace with my life and all the things happening in it. i don't regret not being able to do those things. i am sure it would have been quite different if perhaps i had made the effort to achieve what i wanted... but i guess i lack that drive... i am just happy the way things are......i just sound like a pure thoroughbred country girl.